


you only know you love her when you let her go

by Jsscshvlr



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Harry Osborn Needs a Hug, Hurt Michelle Jones, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, harry is a gem in this thankyou, honestly is there any happiness noone knows, not a love triangle but kinda a love triangle i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:33:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27460504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jsscshvlr/pseuds/Jsscshvlr
Summary: “Why are you back? Why now? I just-” she rubs the back of her hand against her nose, continuing quietly “-I’m with Harry-” she says knowing that his return doesn’t necessarily mean he’s here for her, or that he ever thinks about her, but she’s always been one, to tell the truth “-I just got over you.” She watches as his lip quivers and she wants to help, but that’s not her job anymore. It never felt like a job, to begin with, nothing ever did with him.
Relationships: Michelle Jones/Peter Parker
Comments: 31
Kudos: 30





	you only know you love her when you let her go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mjonesing (klassmartin)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/klassmartin/gifts), [coykoi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/coykoi/gifts).



> honestly, I don't know - it's em's fault x

“Why are you here?” Michelle asks around the lump in her throat. 

“It’s Ned’s birthday,” Peter replies even tho he knows that’s not what she means. She means how is he here, three years after he left her with no explanation, no note. 

“Right,” she can’t decide whether or not to be upset that he didn’t come for her. She’s with Harry and she’s over him so, she decides she’s fine. Turning to walk away he grabs her wrist, he can feel her pulse increasing, “Michelle.” 

“What?” she says looking back at him, what could he possibly have to say that he didn’t say before he abandoned her. 

“I just -” taking a deep breath he continues “-it’s good to see you.” 

Yanking her wrist out of his grasp and wrapping her arms around herself she raises an eyebrow in question. When he doesn’t say anything else she goes to leave, but watching the tears spring from his eyes keeps her standing still. She doesn’t need this, she got over this. 

“Why are you back? Why now? I just-” she rubs the back of her hand against her nose, continuing quietly “-I’m with Harry-” she says knowing that his return doesn’t necessarily mean he’s here for her, or that he ever thinks about her, but she’s always been one, to tell the truth “-I just got over you.” She watches as his lip quivers and she wants to help, but that’s not her job anymore. It never felt like a job, to begin with, nothing ever did with him. 

She feels the despair turn to anger as he just stands there looking at her like she’s everything. As if he had no choice to leave her before. 

“Peter, fuck - what do you want?” she realises she’s shouting and that everyone in the adjoining room must be able to hear the heartbreak that’s lacing her words, everyone including Harry.

“I’m sorry, Em.” he knows it’s dirty to play the Em card, judging by her face she knows what he’s trying to do. But he missed her. He misses her so much he can barely breathe, and she’s right here. If she never wants to talk to him again that’s fine, he deserves that. He never deserved her anyways.

“How have you been?” he asks while internally screaming at himself because really? Small talk? She’s the love of his life, he’s thought about what he’d say to her if he ever had the good fortune to see her again, but she’s here and she’s beautiful and she looks devastated and he can’t think.

“How have I been? Are you serious?” she looks furious and he’s trying to think of anything to say to make it better, knowing he can’t. If there’s one thing he deserves it’s her hatred. He’s not sure he’ll live through it but maybe he doesn’t deserve that either.

“That’s a pretty broad question, Peter. Do you wanna know how I was the morning you left me? After I’d begged you to stay with me, and you said you would? Only to fuck me and then leave without a note? Like I was nothing?”

“You’re everything, Michelle.” but it doesn’t stop her. 

“Do you know how long I waited that day, pretending that I thought you were going to get coffee? That you wouldn’t just leave me like that?” she can’t bring herself to wipe the tears from her face knowing that more will replace them before her hand has lowered. He doesn’t try to interrupt her. 

“Or do you wanna know how I was doing when I graduated without you? Or the birthdays I had without you? Or the anniversary of my mum’s death without you?” her lungs are burning and the sight of him trying not to break, to let her speak has her knees trembling but she needs this. 

“I was -” clearing his throat he tries to show the level of emotion he’s feeling “- trying to protect you.”

She barks out a humourless laugh and starts taking her jumper off. 

“Did you really think-” she says head half in the jumper in a way that makes his heart hurt, he loves her, never stopped, never will “-that leaving me, with no information was going to help.” Throwing her jumper away she walks towards him, arms in front of her, but he’s not looking there. He’s looking at her face. For a second he thinks she might hug him, but what she says almost brings him to his knees. 

“How is abandoning me, when everyone knows who you are helpful?” she thrust her wrists into his eye line and his heart falls out of his chest. 

“No-” he says completely broken “-no, no.” He grabs her forearms to inspect the scars she has around her wrists. He knows from the training that these are from rope burns, and he prays he’s wrong with how she got them.

“Yeah, the electrocution hurt-” and he completely breaks down, she tries to ignore the way his touch helps “-but hearing them say I can go because you clearly weren’t coming for me hurt more.” She watches his tears run down her arms as he struggles to catch his breath.

“What do you want, Pete?” she whispers, not pulling her arms away but she’s missed him. When he looks back at her, thumbs rubbing over her scars in a way that soothes but she wishes it wouldn’t, Harry is outside and she really likes him, her breath hitches at his expression. 

“When - what-” closing his eyes and taking a deep breath to attempt to control himself “-what happened?” his eyes so full of regret that she can barely cope. 

“Nothing really, it was fine.” She says trying to backtrack, trying to get that look out of his eye. She regrets bringing it up at all. “They just wanted to know where you were. Thought that if you came for me-” 

“Em, I didn’t - if I’d know I would have -”

“How were you going to know?” she doesn’t say it to be cruel. She can feel herself getting closer to him, he always manages to draw her back in. 

“I don’t-” he pulls her into a hug and sobs the second his arms make their way around her and she doesn’t have the strength to tell him to stop. She knows, deep down, this is his worst nightmare. That he did leave to try and protect her. But she didn’t need that, she only ever needed him. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” he’s gripping her with such strength she’s sure it’s going to bruise, but she loves him. Always will love him, and she needs to save her strength for getting over him again. Once was hard enough and if she’s being honest, it never truly worked. But Harry helps. She likes him a lot. Could probably love him. He wouldn’t be the love of her life, but then she wouldn’t be his. A fair trade. 

The only difference is his love died, and hers is in her arms. Whispering apologises and regrets into her hair. 

* * *

“I don’t -” she starts, knowing it’s unfair to talk about her past relationship like this like she wants advice, or like she’s asking him what to do, to choose for her, knowing deep down who she wants, who she’d always choose “- I don’t trust him.” She grips onto the back of his jumper like it’s going to save her. 

Harry kisses the top of her head. “I know, but you want to.” She shakes her head at him but won’t meet his eyes. They’ve only been dating three months and he already knows her, is desperate to know her forever. But he knows the feeling, losing the love of your life. 

Tilting her chin up he can see the sadness in her eyes, he knows she wants to pick him, knows she wants him to be enough. 

“It’s not enough,” she says with a watery tone. Pleading with him to understand, make her choose him. He never would. He kisses her softly, one hand round her waist and the other moving from her chin to her neck. He’s mainly kissing her because he wants her to stay - never wanted Peter to come back. But there’s a part of him that knows, as he deepens the kiss and Michelle moves towards him, that Peter can see them and it’ll hurt. Because what Harry’s about to give up for him is going to hurt a lot more. 

“It has to be, MJ.” He says against her lips when he pulls back. “I care about you a lot, and I really think this could have been something. We could have been something. But you know I’ve loved and lost before. And if this were me. If Gwen had come back-” he clears his throat, watching as she figures out what he’s going to say next “-I’d already be gone.”

He can’t tell whether the hurt in her eyes is the admission, or the fact she knows he knows, who she’s going to choose. He wonders if it was ever really a choice. 

“I want to choose you.”

“I know,” he says as he smiles sadly at her. He wants to kiss her again but he’s stock still at the thought that it will be the last one. He wonders if everybody inside knows what they’re doing. That they’re ending this before it even had a chance to start.

* * *

“You don’t deserve her,” he says, not to be malicious, but so he knows. He’s pretty sure Peter figured that out on their first date, long before he properly fucked up. He’s proven right a few seconds later when Peter looks up, tears streaming down his face, and says he knows. 

“Well - what are you waiting for?” Harry isn’t in the mood to give him tips on how to win Michelle over. Knowing truly, he doesn’t have to. But she’s waiting for him and she’s hurting and he’ll put her feelings over his every time. Plus, he can tell Peter only wanted to protect her. He understands that it can’t have been easy for him to leave. Doesn’t mean he hates him any less.

The hope in Peter’s eyes as he looks from Harry to outside where Michelle is still leaning against the railing hurts in a way he can’t describe. Knowing for as much as he wants Michelle to be happy, would do anything for her, he wants it to be with him. 

“I can’t just -” Peter clears his throat and uselessly wipes his face free of tears, only for more to appear.

“Dude. She’s waited for you for three years go and-” he’s out the door before he can finish his sentence. Harry doesn’t mean to pause, he’s heading for the elevator when he’s struck with how much he loves her. How badly he wants to go outside to where Peter is tentatively walking over to her, he can see his hands shaking from here, and tell her to choose him. 

But he doesn’t want to put that pressure on her. He knows who she’d choose. Maybe if he thought he had a better shot he would be walking in the other direction. The elevator doors close as he watches Peter reach out to her, he’ll never know if she accepted his hand. Although he’s got a pretty good idea. 

He can’t find it in himself to be sad about this change of events. He never thought he’d find someone after Gwen, but he did. And he can do it again. 

**Author's Note:**

> I still don't know?
> 
> Come say hi on tumblr: i-lovethatforme


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